Tuesday, June 29, 2010

I Get Bolder as I Get Older

"Any man worth his salt will stick up for what he believes right, but it takes a slightly better man to acknowledge instantly and without reservation that he is in error." ~Andrew Jackson

I have noticed that since I have become a mom I have begun to emerge out of my shy shell more and more. I have always been rather shy, but as Little Chick gets bigger I have evolved into a more outgoing person. Since my daughter is an only child I feel that it is important to set up playdates and get her in different classes so she can be around other children. I have had to become more vocal and push myself to start up a conversation with other moms, where as before I was a parent I might not have been so bold.

This past week I had two instances where I felt the need to speak up. First, on Little Chick's last day of school a mom came up to me and said, "I don't know how to tell you this, but my son does not want to go to a girl's birthday party." I was flabbergasted that she would even say something like that. About a month ago I had volunteered a lot of my time and money to put together a huge project for the school, teachers and children. I am not sure why, but I think a little jealousy or who knows what formed an opinion in this woman's mind. I don't even know her. I am always very friendly and smiley with everyone I meet throughout the day. I am not sure why there are some people who just can't reciprocate the friendliness. Now I don't really care about myself, but when Little Chick is involved and this child will not join her for her party when she just celebrated his a couple of months ago, then I don't appreciate it. So I just said, "fine." It bothered me though as I went to the car.When I was pulling out of the parking lot I saw her walking to her car and rolled down my window. Yup, shy me was protecting my little baby and her feelings! I said in a friendly voice, "I am starting to take this personally." I told her that ever since I did the project she has not really been so friendly and that I have been really hurt by this. I couldn't believe I said it, but I found it hurtful to say her child does not want to go to my daughter's party. What child does not want to go to a fun bounce house for a party?

The next bold maneuver was over the weekend. I have a neighbor who never waves back to us. Now, Little Chick and I always wave to our neighbors as they pass by and when we go for walks down our street. When this neighbor does not wave back Little Chick always asks me why he doesn't. I tell her that maybe he didn't see us. On Saturday I was pulling out of my driveway and this gentleman passed by and I waved a huge wave! He did not acknowledge it. So instead of going to the store I turned down my street and stopped at his driveway where he was getting out. I said, have I done something to upset you, because you never wave to us? I mentioned how my daughter keeps asking why he won't wave back to her. He looked shocked! He said he didn't even realize it and with a huge smile he said that he would be more conscientious about reciprocating the kind gesture. And he waved a big wave as we drove away.

Where this neighbor simply was unaware of his actions and has now made every effort to put on a big smile and wave to us as he passes by, the mother at the school did not care about my hurt feelings and later emailed me about her son's aversion to going to a girl's party. I am a teacher and feel that every child should participate in class parties to help celebrate with one another. I e-mailed her back one of the friendliest e-mails I have ever written extending the invitation to her daughter, as well. There has been no response. I am finding that as a mom and as I get older I get bolder, but the hurt from insensitive people remains the same.

37 comments:

  1. Stopping by to say thanks for visiting me on my SITS day! Hope you have a great week.

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  2. I feel like I have come out of my shell since I have been a mom. And my "mama bear" has come out several times! It is a shame that a mother would allow her son to use the "girl" card at such an early age. As a mother of boys, even though it is a natural thing, I always remind the boys that I am a girl, and that girls are friends too. I am so sorry you have to deal with this, but I am impressed that you were able to extend friendliness to her in the email. You have definitely done all you can do, and it's her problem if she can't reciprocate. You are doing a great job with Little Chick!

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  3. Yes, you're doing wonderful! Your friendliness and love extend to so many people! It's too bad this particular mother is not allowing herself to receive it, she's missing out - and so is her son! I'm glad you've gotten bolder and voiced your thoughts...our mom instincts kick in and help us protect our little ones and I think that's awesome!

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  4. There are all kinds in the world. You've done more than the right thing in these circumstances. I love that you gave your neighbour the chance to see himself. I'll bet many pelple don't realize how they come off and most people don't give them a chance to explain or get it right. Good for you.

    Yes, being a Mom changes "everything"!
    :)

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  5. You are the perfect role model for little chick! It disgusts me how cold and rude that mother behaved towards you. What kind of values is she going to pass down to her son?

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  6. Good for you becoming bolder! BTW, I love the pic of your dog in his party hat! Gave you an award today!

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  7. i really feel you on this one! i'm like you, i'm really shy especially when dealing with others but when it comes to my kids i can do almost all possible things..it's really sad that other people are so insensitive..but kuddos to you when you talked to the mom - and even managed to still be friendly =)

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  8. Yay for being bolder!! Go Mama Hen!! I love that picture, too cute!! :)

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  9. I truly believe God puts a new attitude in us when we become mommies. It's how we will survive and thrive in this journey. By becoming bolder, you're showing Little Chick how to act appropriately in new situations, good or bad. Keep up the good work---all girls need good role models!

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  10. GO MAMA HEN!!!!!
    I love that you approach folks and express yourself openly. It is hard but sometimes, as with the neighbor, folks are in auto pilot and just don't 'see' what is going on.

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  11. We don't always know why people respond the way they do. Sometimes the reasons may not be as obvious as we think.

    I love the photo of Pudding! :-)

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  12. My son has attended several birthday parties over the course of this past school year and it never really dawned on me that all the attendees were boys. He's also never gotten an invitation to a girl's party.

    It surprises me that I never noticed it myself before now and just took it for granted that this was normal.

    I've been a follower of your blog for a while now and I really enjoy reading your posts :) Thanks for stopping by and joining mine!

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  13. Wow! Good for you for standing up like that!

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  14. Sometimes people come off as rude but they may just be in their own world with a lot on their mind, like your neighbor. Good for you for being bold enough to ask him and look how much more aware he is! Kids don't understand when someone ignores them, at 15 months Abby is already sad when someone doesn't say hi back. Your doing a great job teaching little chick to express herself!

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  15. How rude of that mother - a simple "we can't make it to the party" would have sufficed. Her son's issues with girls is her problem to deal with. Good for you for sticking up for yourself/Chick!

    As for the neighbor, I have a few that are oblivious too! But we wave anyway - sometimes we get the wave back, sometimes we don't!

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  16. I just wanted to say how much I enjoy your blog. It really makes me smile - and that I have given you a Sunshine Award (I see that you have already received one - but your blog is so deserving!)

    Kyle


    http://montessoriforlearning.blogspot.com/search/label/Awards

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  17. OOH - this is an excellent post!! WOW - you are one brave CHICK! I am not sure if I would have confronted the woman or the man. WOW.

    Perhaps that's the whole "mama bear" syndrome. It forces you to go into protective mode. WOWZA.

    Many props to you!

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  18. It's like there is this hidden seed within us that flowers when we have children. It's like finding a beautiful perrenial in your garden you never saw before. Isn't it wonderful that God did not front load our lives with everything, but wonderful surprises are revealed over the years?!

    BTW, in my little world, all children go to boy-girl birthday parties until they hit about 12. In our house, the parties are all-boys until their Surprise 16! Then girls are re-invited with much supervision.

    I've learned, a hard lesson, that not all people want to be friends with me - and that it's o.k. because God sends me the best of friends who love me and my kids. This particular mine is greatly reducing the size of her child's world.

    I loved your post - so full of so many wonderful mommy-within- things!

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  19. I love your blog! It's so beautiful! And BRAVO to you for saying something to those clueless folks. As for the mom she must have lost her mind to say that to another mom. That was odd. The guy not waving, well being from NYC, I have tunnel vision & am never aware of my surroundings but I'm glad he fixed the situation!

    Thank you so much for the comment on my blog. I just became a follower of yours :)

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  20. I've always been on the shy side myself. Okay, that's an understatement. But, I too, have found that I become some other person when I get my dander up over someone doing one of my children wrong. I once went totally ballistic on a doctor who I felt was blowing off an incident that happened with my child. Kudos for confronting the man who wouldn't wave. I can't say I would have have the nerve. I usually just stop waving if someone never reciprocates. Maybe next time I'll think twice.

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  21. I am not shy, but I am horrible at anything that might lead to confrontation, so I tend to hold my tongue. Good for you for stepping out! I am inspired to try it.

    As for the comment about her son, she could have simply said, unfortunately we have other plans and left it at that. What she said was just plain rude.

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  22. Mama Hen - we are on similar wave lengths today. I blogged today about a scenario that hurt my feelings and rude behaivor. I think I'll channel a little of your gung-ho and speak my mind next time, although that is kind of out of my character. I avoid confrontation like the plague, but when it comes to our kids, sometimes you just have to face it.

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  23. You're such a good mama! Good for you for getting bolder and coming out of your shy shell.

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  24. I sincerely feel the same way. As I get older, I have become more bolder. Standing up for myself in the past has been hard for me but no more Mrs. Nice Mommy! Haha! Though I try to avoid confrontations at all cost because it's uncomfortable. I try not to take things personally, only when it involves my children. But I feel myself becoming more humble and I let things go easily. Sometimes though, you have to speak your mind. You're a strong Mama!

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  25. Good for you! Takes a lot of courage doesn't it? Somehow a little one makes us dig deep and do the right thing. I'm here from Lady Blogger, hope you continue to be more assertive and set a great example for your daughter.
    www.dailywildflower.blogspot.com

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  26. Good for you for speaking up! I too have found myself having to break out of my comfort zone a lot more since I have become a mom. I have a neighbor who never waves back too. BTW I love your blog.

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  27. Good for you! It's amazing how we find inner strength once we become moms.

    But I need to admit that all I want to do is reach through the screen and squeeze and kiss your little dog! SO cute!

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  28. I definitely have become more assertive since having my son (especially, if it is something that has to do with him).

    And I think it's very important for me to keep in mind that my son is learning by example.
    I remember my mom always saying "Treat people how you want to be treated."
    (and she really did!)

    I bet that took a lot of guts to ask that guy if you had done something wrong! Kudos to you!

    KareyEllen
    KareyEllenDesigns.blogspot.com

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  29. Wow!!! I am so impressed with how you've been speaking up. That is so gutsy! Excellent!

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  30. Good for you! The woman sounds like a witch. I'm so sick of how rude people have become. Stick up for yourself and your child or people will run all over you. You don't want her at your party anyway. She's done you a favor.

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  31. When I was younger I always remember my mom being very verbal, stinking up for us and not letting people get away with being rude or doing something that would upset us. I never understood it but now that I am a mom, I completely understand. If you don't speak up for yourself or your children who will! Good for you. And I agree..She's not worth having at that party anyway. If she doesn't want her kid to go. So be it!Love your blog. I'm your new follower!

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  32. good for you. That other mom has a lot of learning to do. You are setting a great example for your child!

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  33. Thanks for following. I'm following you back! Don't forget to enter in my giveaway! It's ending soon! :)

    http://treyshippiemommie.blogspot.com/2010/06/giveaway.html

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  34. Did I make it clear that I do boy/girl parties until 12? Then, no co-ed parties until 16? (And I misspelled mom, too - I am a terrible editor) - my boys never cared about "boy" or "girl" unless they were invited to a Princess Party and had to wear a crown - LOL (which they never were) - my boys just wanted to hang out with their friends from Mothers Day Out or school.

    You handled the situation beautifully. I would have come to the party:)

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  35. Thanks for following me!! :) I'm honored, you have a great blog, and I'm following you too! Take care, God bless you and your beautiful family!

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  36. Mama Chick, I just read this post - bravo! Also I love reading all the comments, you have a gift that really brings people together. That Little Chick is one lucky lil' chick to have you as her Mommy.

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  37. It's interesting how as parents we "come into our own." Keep up the good work :)

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