Saturday, July 3, 2010

Be Nice

"Wherever there is a human being,
there is an opportunity for a kindness." ~Seneca

I have never been able to understand the people who are unkind on this beautiful earth, nor will I ever be able to comprehend it! "Be nice" is something I say to Little Chick when we are at the playground or at a playdate and she might use a tone that is not so nice with her friends. It is something that children have to learn. But what about the children who grew up without learning this so very important lesson? I have experienced it all of my life and even as a mother I see it in some of the moms I encounter. I wonder to myself, were they told to "be nice" when they were unkind as a child?
I remember about twelve years ago I had been very sad after my Dad's passing away. Some of the "good friends" I had were not so loving and kind during my most vulnerable point. I had dated a couple of guys who lied and were lacking empathy and compassion. I talked to my friend about this and asked him why people were so mean? He said that people have been hurt in their lives and they become hardened from it. I thought about this and became rather disgusted with this philosophy, because I have been continually hurt in my life yet I always act kindly towards others and I give of myself. I am really not sure when people become unkind and unfriendly, but there is no excuse for it!
I read my dear bloggy friend's post yesterday at As the Foreste Grows and was very sad that she had been through some blog bashing. I really don't understand why people feel the necessity to conscientiously hurt another person's feelings! If you don't like someone then just don't associate with them. Not everyone is always going to get along. But as I say to Little Chick, "Be nice!" It really does not even take much energy to be kind. I am new to blogging and have seen many amazing blogs out there! This is a world where women should be praising one another and giving them a little blog smile when they may be tired and worn out from the long day! As my mom always said, "If you don't have something nice to say, then don't say it at all."
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Come and join me in Smile Sunday tomorrow! Just grab my Smile Sunday button in the left sidebar, write about what makes you smile, and let me know so I can add your link! Have a great 4th of July!

32 comments:

  1. Mama Hen,
    Thanks so much for your sweet comments on my blog!

    My preacher once said that we do not have the ability to generate love on our own. We must be given love in order to love, and if we don't know we are loved, we can't give it.

    You say you don't understand this because you are nice and giving, even though you have been hurt, but from reading your blog, you believe in God and therefore thrive on His love that He has fom you, and that is where your love that you share comes from. If it came from people, we would all fail, because nobody can love us the way Christ can, and when we know we have Christ within us, then we are able to share and give love in return. :)

    I also believe that God puts difficult people and situations in our life to test our faith to see if we will do what is good and right in His sight. This is very difficult to do, but the reward is ours when we do.
    Have a blessed weekend.
    Big Fat Mama

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  2. It's so easy to be kind and it makes everyone feel good, yourself included. I don't know why it's so hard for some people. They obviously haven't figured out that it's one of the keys to happiness yet!

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  3. Right on again. I heard "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" every single day of my life growing up and then some. It was my Mother's mantra and has become mine. I couldn't agree more!

    Nitey-nite. (Seems we're both night owls too. Hmmmm.....)

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  4. It is so hard to face people who aren't nice. I had an incident last weekend, where I was trying to befriend someone and they looked at me like I was crazy! As I "grow up" I realize the importance of not burning bridges with ugly attitudes or rude remarks, because you never know when your paths will cross again, and what God could be doing in putting those people in your life at that specific time.
    Thanks for keeping your stance on the value of "kindness". It's something that we all need to remember every day.

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  5. Excellent post! It is a struggle to have to face sooo much animosity in the world. I would not say I am hardened, but I think instead I became cynical. (Something I battle within!) You have a very positive energy and luckily your child will feed off and take with her this energy into her future relationships! In other words - you are truly blessed! :-) Thanks for being you and always spreading a little sunshine and happiness. Even the curmugeons (like myself) are affected, in a positive way!

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  6. i couldn't agree with you more mama hen! these are my exact sentiments..i had my own share of experiences (during my teens) where people just blurt mean things in my face..up until now i'm still in the process of rebuilding my self-confidence. But, never in my life (not that I can think of) did i become rude or mean to anyone. and I, too, always remind my kids to be nice and considerate of other's feelings..

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  7. i do too.. i've gone through terrible experiences in life. those make me want to be more kind and sensitive towards feelings of others.

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  8. I think one of the hardest things that I've had to teach my girls is that not everyone out there is going to be nice. Yet, someone else's ugliness doesn't excuse their poor behavior, they still have to be nice. So in addtion to your mom's saying, I've always added "two wrongs don't make a right."

    (hey, I don't have the name/url option, I'm Susie from http://asliceofmylife.com )

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  9. Blog bashing is something I'll never understand... if you don't like, then don't read it. Being kind to one another is something we should all strive to do daily but some people are just so caught up in their own troubles and thoughts. To be honest, there have been times that I have been caught up in the moment and have not been as nice as I should have. I always feel terrible after. I try to remind myself that you never know what someone else is going through so choose your words carefully. I agree with Maxabella that it is the key to happiness.

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  10. As we all learn and embrace the time to "be nice," I want to say thanks for this. It's a reminder that although sometimes you have to make a conscious decision to be nice because of circumstances, in the end you always emerge with a rejuvenation of sorts- you rejuvenated the side of you that can share kindness with the world.

    p.s. I haven't figured out how to respond to comments over at my blog but did want to let you know that your comments are up! Sorry about the delay!

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  11. I completley agree with you, I will never understand why people are so mean either. I feel it is really important to be kind to people, even when they aren't so kind to us. I have yet to become a victim of blog bashing and I hope I don't but that is another thing I don't get. This is an outlet for all different kinds of people, and opinions are going t very so if you don't like someone stop reading their blog don't bash them, because there are others out there that do like them.
    BTW I grabbed your button for I smile sundays, I wasn't sure where to put it so it is on my post with the video. Let me know if I should move it.

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  12. Truly agree! If you've got nothing nice to say, then just zip your mouth! Great post btw!

    ( I'm a full-time mummy )

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  13. Hiya Mama Hen! I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to respond to you! I'm hosting a family reunion this weekend out of state, and things have been a little crazy. I'll definitely give you some camera info when I return home. If I forget, please feel free to remind me and I'll be happy to!! Beautiful post...and I couldn't agree more! :-) ♥ Sorry this is so short...gotta run!!

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  14. Thanks so much for stopping by One Fine Wire - I hope you come back soon!

    I'm YOUR newest follower ;)

    Happy Fourth of July weekend!

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  15. When we let our negative experiences rule our hearts, we end up letting it become hard and dark. It's easier said than done, but you do a good job expressing how we should all act and treat other people. BTW, you were awarded on my blog today. Come and pick up your award for your beautiful blog!

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  16. Thanks for the follow and the comment. I am now doing the same. I appreciate you taking the time to stop by.

    Warm wishes,

    CG

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  17. I completely agree! It upsets me when I see people being mean to one another, whatever the circumstances.

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  18. Nice post :) Thanks for following. I am following back.

    ~Lori S.

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  19. I agree with this post & find it strange that someone would feel the need to bash somebody on a blog - or at any time, really. I don't always agree with everyone's opinion, but I still don't feel the need to be rude to anyone.

    But I also totally agree that just because bad stuff has happened to you or you've experienced pain doesn't meant that you have any more right to be mean or rude. We've all been hurt. I feel like it's even more a reason to be kind because you understand what the pain feels like.

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  20. Mama Hen you are so awesome! Seriously... you made me smile tonight :)
    I'm so lucky to have a "bloggy friend" like you!

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  21. I grew up being taught what I now call the Thumper Rule (from the movie Bambi) "if you don't have something nice to say it isn't necessary to say anything at all."

    Gramps taught it to his kids and grandkids and my parents enforced it. I in turn taught it to my own.

    Save the negative stuff for when you are with a BFF, then it is called fantasy dialog, when you can safely vent without hurting feelings.

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  22. Thanks for stopping by! I love meeting new blog friends on FF!

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  23. Hear hear! Agree whole heartedly.

    My mother raised me to be kind to everyone. I have some friends who use to call me a "loser magnet" in high school (and beyond) because I just didn't see the reason in being mean to people who were nice to me and persisted in being friends with people my friends thought weren't "cool."

    Suffice to say I am still friends with some of these people years later and they are totally wonderful friends now. These are some of the friends who travelled from other cities to help welcome my child into the world. You can't put a price on that. And it started with just being nice.

    I also remember those who were cruel to me for reasons I never understood. I know many people can relate to this. I remember my mother telling me this had to do with them being insecure and it wasn't about me. I believed this - and still do - but it's still hard as a child/teen going through it. Suffice to say, you get tired pretty fast of other people "being so insecure."

    As I got older, and school, highschool ended, I got the chance to avoid people I didn't like/who were negative or simply mean people (for whatever reason, and there are many) and spend more time with the people I really care about, and really care about me.

    It's hard as a child, because you have to learn that, for any number of reasons, some people are just going to be ugly to you. Even as an adult, this is hard. It's also hard as a child - and again, as an adult - to be nice to someone when others aren't.

    I think it comes down to judging the person - not what the crowd thinks about any given person - and having the courage to act in the way you think is right - ie: be nice, be friends with those who you want to be friends with, and to heck with what the crowd thinks.

    As far as instilling the value of "being nice" at a young age, I think it's invaluable. I think young girls especially need to have a strong sense of self, and of what's right - and how to treat people, when they enter the tween and teen years, and instilling that starts young.

    So all that to say - Yay you! And I hope Little Chick learns to enjoy playing nice and passes those sentiments on to others.

    And on a general note - I never understand being mean, when you can at least be diplomatic. You don't have to like everyone. But you get so much further in life with sugar than salt. And you really have nothing to lose being nice. And possibly much to gain.

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  24. Hi! I have an award for you! Have a safe and happy 4th.

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  25. O wow... I agree. I am always striving to be as kind as I can possibly be to everyone around me. I do not understand how people can act the way they do. You will be rewarded for raising your daughter the way you are! Keep up the great work.

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  26. Hello! Thanks for the follow! I'm following you back. You have such a beautiful, happy, upbeat blog! It's awesome! :) Have a safe and happy 4th! ~Lisa
    http://my2centsfl.blogspot.com

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  27. Thanks for the comment on MBC. This is a very nice blog. It is a feel good blog a place where you can come here and get good vibes and I know I can sure use some of them. I am your newest follower. Check out my fashion blog @ http://www.maddieb221.blogspot.com. Just keep blogging just keep blogging. :)

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  28. This is so true! I've seen blog bashing so many times, and I get pretty amazed at how grown women act sometimes! Everyone's blog is their own, and, as you said, if you don't like it, move on and don't read it.

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  29. I know they say that "hurt people hurt people", but I think as adults, we have a responsibility to work towards healing so that we aren't hurting others. There's so much negativity in the world that we can't control, that "being nice" is the least that we can do!

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  30. I agree absolutely.
    There are many, mean people and being hurt by life is all the more reason to be kind.
    My sister has the same saying on her fridge as your mum.
    "If you can't say something nice then don't say anything."
    We should all listen more and speak less.
    And SMILEEEEEEEEEEEE !!!
    God bless your day.

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  31. I always thought it takes more energy to be mean than it does to be nice. But I also think it shouldn't harden your perspective on people; just continue to surround yourself with positive people and good things will come your way :)

    Hope you're enjoying the fourth--I love your blog!

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  32. How nice of you to stick up for your friend. Blog bashing certainly doesn't make sense but then again neither does bullying, gossiping or the rest of the worlds problems. You are a good blogging friend to so many!

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