Friday, July 9, 2010

Perspective

"Is the glass half empty, half full, or twice as big as it needs to be?"
Life really is all about how you look at it! Little Chick is going to be four years old in a couple of weeks and again I have been having pangs of wanting to have a brother or sister for her. I went through many miscarriages and fertility "stuff" which can be quite an emotional road! It took years for me to be blessed with my beautiful daughter. My sister also went through five miscarriages and is longing for another child. However, although these are healthy and normal emotions as a woman turning 40 soon, who wants so much for Little Chick to have a sibling to go through life with, I have to put things into perspective.

I was reading my good bloggy friend's post (
Love Remembered) a couple of days ago about her sister's friend having lost her baby only 32 hours after it had been born. It triggered feelings I had about my own losses, as well as reminded me of a good friend of mine who had lost her baby at 5 and a half months and still had to give birth knowing the child had not made it. She was traumatized and still has not been able to get pregnant.

Once again, it takes me back to perspective. I know it is OK for me to want a sibling for Little Chick. I want so much for her to have a partner in life as I do with my sister. However, this blessing of having my daughter is my greatest gift and I am filled with such endless love and happiness. When I think of my friend and all the women out there who are struggling I have to take a long hard look perspectively and truly give thanks for my abundant blessings.

34 comments:

  1. ah that poor family...I know how you feel. I have two, healthy boys and cannot seem to have another, only to think about the complications that "might" come along with it. I feel as though God has blessed me beyond words and I am SO thankful for both of my boys!

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  2. Oh Mama Hen, I am new to these emotions that go with loss, but I am realizing every day, from friends like you, and friends around me, that those emotions will be triggered so often now. I hope that I didn't remind you of too much hurt, and I am glad that you have such a wonderful gift in Little Chick.

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  3. To clarify, that I have friends who have dealt with loss a lot longer than me, and the emotions don't ever go away. I hope that was understood. :) Perspective is hard to gain when emotions are involved, but it's so freeing when you gain it! :)

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  4. Thanks for linking back to my post. I really appreciate your comments and compliments! You are a great bloggy friend! Have a Fun Friday! :)

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  5. Such a motivational post! Great reminder that life is what you make of it :)

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  6. You are so right. Some days I sit staring at my kids, thinking the same things. I have to be so thankful for the beautiful babies I have. Children are a wonderful blessing. Thank you again for helping to remind myself, and others what we have :)

    You write beautiful posts.

    http://organicparenthood.blogspot.com

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  7. It can sometimes be very difficult with all the complications involved with pregnancy and childbirth for some people.
    I lost a little brother a few hours after he was born when I was twelve years old. It absolutely destroyed my parents and I remember my father becoming depressed for a few months following the loss.
    Little chick is definitely the greatest blessing and I completely understand the feeling of wanting to give her a sibling to grow up with as well. Whatever decision you make, I wish you the best of luck!! Either way I am sure it will work out for the best :-).

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  8. aahh, mama hen..you give me so much insights about my own life everytime i read your posts..two years ago i also dealt with losing a baby- our (supposedly) youngest little girl..she died a few hours after she came out. the whole experience was just traumatic for me that up until now it pains me to remember evertyhing. but you're right, there are lots of blessings i also should be thankful for..doctors said my little girl, somehow, saved my life! =)

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  9. I can't imagine losing a little one. I pray that I never have to experience that pain and loss. I have only one child and I never intended for my child to have no siblings, but it looks like that's the way it's shaping up and you know what? I'm okay with that. You can't have it all-- there's always going to be something that we wish we had-- just enjoy the blessings you have.

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  10. Sometimes you get those "there but for the grace of God moments" when you realize just how good you have it. I know I've had a bunch of those lately.

    Great pic of you two!

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  11. Hang in there Mama Hen. I ahve a very close IRL friend who is going through the same thing. She lost her baby at 7 months about a year and half ago, and about 9 months later she endured another miscarriage. She has also been blessed with two healthy boys who are 7 and 4. She struggles with just focusing on what she does have, and I understand. My heart breaks for women in this struggle. I admire your ability to look at your blessings. Good to see you. I haven't been by ina few days, and I'm glad I stopped over. :)

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  12. Yes, perspecitve is everything. You have an amazing one. But it's normal to second guess.

    When I was fascillating about a sibling for Dahlia I kept this in mind. How do I want my life to look 15 - 20 years from now? I knew I wanted 2 kids and that made the over 4 years wait for Milana bearable.

    Sending a big hug today!

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  13. It would be a lot of fun for Little Chick to have a sibling, but even if you decide not to, it'll still work out for the best! Love Little Chick's "Little Mermaid" shirt too ;)

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  14. Little Chick truly is a blessing and you are a terrific mom! I think it's normal to want her to have a sibling, especially when you are so close to yours. I have 4 siblings and couldn't imagine life without them but I also have a close friend of 18 years who is like a sister to me... so family doesn't always have to be by blood. You're teaching her how to truly connect with the people so even if you decide not to give her a sibling, I think she'll have many people to lean on through life. Being a mom makes every decision a little harder but I know you'll follow your heart and make the right one!

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  15. Inspiring post and so very true...life is ALL about perspective.

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  16. Mama Hen, I am sorry for your many losses. I really don't know what else to say. I joined the blogging world when a friend was going through a difficult pregnancy and began blogging about her journey to avoid having to verbally retell her story over and over. I followed her blog and started one of my own. For some reason the lyrics "Que sera, sera! Whatever will be will be. The future's not ours to see. Que sera sera" come to mind as I'm typing this. You do an amazing job of keeping things in perspective-it shows in your posts and your interactions with Little Chick. Here's to your future-whatever it holds. -EW

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  17. Very moving post and I feel so much for all that women have gone through trying to have precious little ones... you have an amazing way of looking at "the glass half full" I started blogging just for that reason... It's a wonder what it can do for us when we think or try to think of things in a positive light...

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  18. Heart strings being pulled as I read your post. We tried for a long time to have KLV and I'm not sure if #2 is possible.
    Just last night I was thinking what a high maintenance child KLV was being then remembered how I used to long for a child and then thought about all those mothers who would give anything just to have 1 child. Beautiful post.

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  19. Hi Mama Hen! I had an ectopic pregnancy in 2001. My tube erupted and I was bleeding inside. I had an operation to romove the embryo and my tube on my right side. I was 35 when this happen to me. I thought I would never get pregnant again. I prayed alot to God and he answerd my prayer.I got pregnant with my daughter in 2004, 3 yrs later I was 39. I had my daughter when I was 40. My Son is 26 and My daughter is 5 they both brought so much joy in my life. They are my pride and joy! I'll be praying for you too, so you can have another little blessing. Have a great weekend

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  20. This is such a deep post. Suffering, trauma, loss, grieving...and joy, abundance, blessing, love. My heart goes out to you, your bloggy pal, and others who went through similar experiences.

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  21. so true that its all about perspective...I am sure your journey has been such a difficult one and I admire your strength as you face it!following back from friday follow!!

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  22. I have to agree with the others, it really is a beautiful post. Thanks for visiting and following me. I'm following you back. Have a great weekend!

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  23. Its so hard to loose babies.
    Have you looked into your diet??
    Sometimes that is the problem. Years ago a friend of mine went to a chinese herbalist and he put her onto a tea to drink... We, in her prayer group all wondered about this, then she got pregnant and later delivered a healthy baby.
    Another patient when I worked in maternity miscarried. The doctor said it was to do with her lacking something in her diet and spoke to her about this...so look into it.
    God Bless you your hubby and little chick.

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  24. thanks for coming to get me -- I adore your quotes I could not pick my favorite one

    "Treat everyone with politeness, even those who are rude to you - not because they are nice, but because you are."

    "Take care of the earth and she will take care of you."

    "As each day comes to us refreshed and anew, so does my gratitude renew itself daily. The breaking of the sun over the horizon is my grateful heart dawning upon a blessed world."

    "There are hundreds of languages in the world, but a smile speaks them all."

    I see why you have all four.

    I had my son at 40 years old. My mother had 5 miscarriages and one child who died at birth -- what should have been a c- section and the doctors misjudged it.

    The only advice and if you read my blog you know what I mean -- is when in doubt or worry or anxiety strikes pray -- tell the Divine one your desires and how strong they are but always add if it is in God's will let it be done and be then be grateful
    say a prayer of thanks, and quietly accept what ever comes. It never fails for me when I have such strong faith and intention, although at times I did not always get what I thought was best but in the end it was.

    Have a good week end so glad I found your blog, I wish you the best.

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  25. Here's a site for you..
    http://www.infertilitydiet.com

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  26. You have a really nice blog and a lovely family.Thanks for stopping by ...I am now following you too:)

    Dee

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  27. what a great post...I too have my darling little girl but due to complications that will be all I have through my own child birth. We are now looking at options to expand the family and it is not easy...but you are right everytime I wish for that little one I am reminded that I am blessed to have what I have!

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  28. Great post! I count my blessings everyday. Whatever you decide, I'm sure your daughter will have a wonderful life full of love and happiness. Thanks for stopping by love.laugh.read! I'm following you back :)

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  29. That was such a heartfelt post, I'm following you back thanks for stopping by my blog

    http://4girlsandcounting.blogspot.com/

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  30. Mama Hen--Thanks so much for following me!!! Little Chick is such a wonderful blessing!! I hope that you are able to "have" a sibling for her soon. That is something that I will have to do as well, I love having siblings and I want to bless my children with them as well, whether they're biological or from the heart!!! Good luck and God's blessings on your journey!!!

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  31. Amen to all that you said Sweet Mama Hen...
    What a heart sharing post and blog you have ..So grateful I joined in the friday follow as it brings beautiful new friends like you.
    May you continmue to know God's BLESSINGS Sweetie..
    Hugs and thanks for the follow!!!
    Don't be a stranger..

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  32. It's all so true what you wrote and how you put your thoughts and heart into words. Have you read the book Grateful (children's book that is also a song)? I would listen to it over and over again while going through our ttc years, all the ups and downs -- and hearing it now, with my daughters, brings tears to my eyes.

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  33. I dealt with fertility issues with #1 & #2, with 1 miscarriage. Baby #3 was a planned surprise. I found out I was pg at my 1st fert. appt.

    Children are God's greatest blessing. I thank him everyday for these gifts, even one the bad days. Thank you for sharing.

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  34. oh mama hen,
    you are such a sweet mama. as much as your heart yearns for another little chick (and i hope and pray for you), at least know that you're not "robbing" little chick of anything. she is so, SO lucky to be born into a loving family and will find "partnership" in other ways if she doesn't get a brother or sister. God is good like that!
    love adriel

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