Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Five Pieces Of The Puzzle

"Judge not, before you judge yourself."
~Bob Marley

Have you ever met one of those people who always have something to say about someone else, without even knowing what the person might be thinking or going through? Someone who makes judgments without truly knowing the whole picture? They feel the need to say something to you and talk about you with others, yet they only know five pieces of the hundred-piece puzzle? I recently encountered someone who passed judgment on me and although they knew me all of my life, they never really knew me. They could not understand why I have been avoiding them and keeping contact together light. I think if we wanted to we could pass judgment and give our “opinion” to others, but I truly believe that no one on this earth has that right, because they have not walked in the shoes of that other person. When I finally spoke up for myself and explained why I had avoided this person the last few years, they dismissed the reason. Have you ever met someone who likes to dish it out, but not take responsibility when the dish is handed back?
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23 comments:

  1. Hi Mama Hen! Yes, I've had a few people dish it out like that, sadly most of them were my own family (extended). I tend to be in my own little world with my own little family without any attempt to create 'contention' with anyone, yet judgements and gossip seem to come my way ALL the time. It's sad because my relationships with them have faltered and it's just not the same any more. To this day, I am STILL the one to blame even though I didn't even do or say anything in the first place:( But I don't care anymore, life's too short for 'misery' so I avoid it at all costs.

    Good for you though, for speaking up and explaining yourself. I admire that.

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  2. Oh YES, I've had so-called "friends" like that and needless to say, we are no longer friends. I have to tell myself that I am doing the right thing by removing this person from my life all together. It's hard because you feel like you messed up along the way, but the truth is that, that person is the one that has it all wrong. I stood up for myself and our friendship ended because of ME, for standing up for myself the way you did...GOOD FOR YOU! you did the right thing!

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  3. Hi, I liked your blog! I am following it now! I would greatly appreciate if you pay a visit to my blog here http://tinyurl.com/2f2nnb8 and follow if you like Thanks :)

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  4. Sadly, I do know a few people who are just like that! I agree with you it isn't are place to pass judgement on others, I have had to walk away from a few so called "friends" for that very reason. It is sad but there are a lot of people out there just like that!

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  5. Hi Mama Hen,

    Yeap, know people like that. I recently have some problems with my MIL (seriously it's NOT even caused by me - in fact, I avoided a big hoo-hah out of it) and yet, friends said that I should be more caring and loving and be more understanding towards my MIL. Oh yes, I treat her like my own mum but people wouldn't know unless they are in my shoes?

    ( I'm a full-time mummy )

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  6. Ohhhhh yeah. A family member, a sibling, to be more precise. I wouldn't put up with it from a friend-- they would simply, kindly, quietly be 'erased'. lol.

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  7. i agree! why is it easier for some people to talk and judge but wouldn't care listen? it's so frustrating to deal with people who doesn't know how to look into their flaws and find it hard to admit their faults. At least you got it out of your chest, mama hen. Things will eventually be fine - i hope! =)

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  8. Great post--this is so very true. I have also encountered people like this in my life. The thing to remember, though, is that someone who is a true friend to you will never make you feel so awful. You're smart to stay away.

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  9. Thanks for the follow and I am following you back, and YES, I have plenty of people who have done that and still do!! I have started to cute them out, because frankly, who needs it!!

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  10. I like your analogy of the puzzle. When I feel the urge to pass judgment on someone else, I think of Dr. Phil's words, "No matter how flat a pancake is, it always has two sides." I may only be seeing one side and have no idea what's underneath or on the unexposed side, so I try to refrain from being judgmental. Bottom line is it's not our place to judge others. We should definitely consider removing the plank for our own eye before poking at the splinter in someone elses. Unfortunately, I think we all have fallen victim to both judging others and being unfairly judged by others. THanks for reminding us of Bob Marley's (an in essence the Bible's) words above.

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  11. I think it's ALWAYS important to remember that we don't have all the pieces of the puzzle, as you say. There are two sides to every story, there are things people are going through that we're unaware of, etc. So much better to wait, rather than jumping to conclusions and judgment.

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  12. Taking responsibility for one's own actions when called out on them, is a serious lesson in graciousness. It takes a big person to admit that they made an improper judgement. I'm not surprised that your friend could not handle that. But for your own peace of mind, be happy in who you are and let it go. Not a moment should be wasted on a friend that can not understand who you and love you for it.

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  13. Hey thanks for stopping by my blog and following me! I'm following you now to! Your blog is SO CUTE! I love it!! And I can't wit to read more!! Your little chick is so cute :)


    Jami @Intentionally Living...
    jamibalmet.blogspot.com

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  14. Sadly, yes. Especially when they're close to you. These are the people who need more love, but they're like porcupines. Wish I knew how to love 'em better but I end up keeping a distance until I feel they're willing to actually listen to someone else. Great post, Mama Hen!

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  15. I unfortunately know so many people like this. They are very good at passing judgement on others but rarely take a good look at themselves. I find that the best thing to do is distance yourself because it can become toxic... it's easy to fall into the negativity or just become miserable whenever you're around that person. A person's behaviors and decisions are influenced by what is going on in their life and and sometimes it's necessary to confront them productively but never pass judgment.

    Thanks for stopping by the other day and thinking of me!

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  16. Absolutely and unfortunately! I think we all know or have known someone like this. I've found that ones who feel the need to judge, judge, judge are most often the ones who need to take a good long look in the mirror. Great post.

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  17. I think we all know someone like that. Sadly in a way, sometimes it's me, because my job as a recruiter forces me to make quick decisions about people on a regular basis. I hope to think I have a good sense of people and intuition, but I am sure I have made a few bad calls...

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  18. Absolutely! I see this all the time and I think it's a defense mechanism to compensate for people's insecurities.

    People make mistakes and sometimes hurt people without realizing. What really shows a person's true character is their ability to hone up to it and apologize when being confronted.

    When people have too much pride to apologize that's when I lose their respect.

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  19. I agree completely and have made a conscious effort to live my life in a non-judgmental way. It's amazing what some people have gone thru, and when you see things through their eyes, you can truly feel compassion for them.

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  20. Hi Mama Hen,

    Thanks for informing me about the commenting problem! Do you mind telling me whether there is any error message or anything (like what browser you used) that I can check with my blog engine on this? I have 2 person now including yourself reporting this issues :(

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  21. Yes! There are too many self-centered, ego-centric jerks in this world, unfortunately. Some people blow my mind...

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  22. I couldn't relate more to your post! I'm going through a difficult, but amicable divorce and I am shocked by all the people in my life that have chosen to gossip about it. It's sad when any marriage ends, no matter the reason, and I am disappointed that others find amusement in my situation. The best thing I have learned from all this is who I can really count on, who needs to be cut out of my life, and how I can be a better friend to others. There really is a hidden blessing in everything. Thanks for sharing your story!

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  23. Hi there, I've been reading your blog and love what you post. I haven't commented before, but felt I had to this time. I'm so disappointed in this posting. You are obvioulsy hurt and upset about something that was said or done, but your posting emphasizes the fact that the other person only knew half the story. Now everyone who read this post only knows your side of the story - so you haven't given the other person a chance to tell their side and everyone can then make their own decision based on BOTH sides.
    This should have been just posted as a venting to get it off your chest. Very one-sided and unfair. I thought you were more balanced.

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